8-9: Arrive back HOME, sprint to the bedroom/ sofa and jump on dad, must land with all 4 feet on his stomach to make sure he is awake. Nibble ear as morning greeting.
Stare at human in the shower in case they forget to let me lick their legs after, then hang over the sofa arm and whimper in case they forget breakfast. Scatter all the cushions off the sofa and rearrange the blankets, important this is done at least once a day so humans get their daily bending down exercise.
9am-12: Sleep, until 12 if you are feeling kind, else ask for 2nd walk at 1030. Chew feet, bark and generally be a nuisance until they give in. Repeat actions from am walk. Poop as far from a bin as possible to make the walk last longer. Ignore all human attempts to work on not shoving snooter into everyone I meet. Occasionally pay attention so human thinks training is making progress, this is a lie.
Afternoon: sleep, wake up and stare hopefully whenever human moves, stands up or opens fridge, at random intervals do zoomies, grab a ball/squeaky pig and smack human with it, climb on their heads and chew ears. this is especially fun when they are holding drinks.
If human gives frozen kong to chew its best to bury it in the sofa somewhere so it is easier to eat when it has defrosted, human will sit on it when melted and tell you off again, FUN. They always give strokes if I lie next to them, do this multiple times a day but refuse to lie still for more that 10 mins. Frequently rest nose on laptop and press ALL the buttons, if they are trying to watch TV lie on the remote so it changes channel, do this at every key scene or important news bulletin. Pretend its an accident.
Chew feet, v important.
3-5pm: Pretend to be interested in training when human tries to teach you things, after 10 ish treats pretend your brain has melted so bark and chew feet some more until they take you for a walk instead. If you meet anyone at all pull towards them, flop on their feet and act like you get zero attention at home, if you meet a new BEST FRIEND in the lift refuse to leave. Human enjoys explaining to strangers that I do in fact get attention at home. This is clearly a lie.