I’m sorry for all times I act aloof and uncaring, sorry for the times I shoot down your jokes, act like your being immature and annoying.
Sorry for the times I cry randomly when I know you’ve had a bad day as well. Sorry for the times I catch you in my anger, pull you along in my whirlwind of self hate and don’t take the time to say why.
I hate that I push you away, yet whenever you leave I feel as though my chest splits open and all the light is gone.
I hold you close at night, terrified that if I let go the world will shatter into a million pieces, terrified that any small space between us will become a gap that’s impossible to bridge.
I try to listen, and I try to care but sometimes the noise in my head is greater than anything you’re trying to say, and I’m here but not present, not really, and you can’t see.
I hate that sometimes, I wish you were someone else, someone I have no claim to at all but that I still dream about and miss so much it hurts. Every single day.
Most of all I hate the fact that these words get lost on the way to my mouth and I’m not brave enough to tell you how I really feel.