Dark wings dark words

Yesterday I received a phone call from my dad. The kind that feels like the bottom had dropped out of your world.

“your mother is in hospital, she needs scans on her brain”

Sitting on a friends sofa with tears cascading down my face, unable to stop them.

Curling into the fetal position and shaking and the only noise my brain makes is a dull humming sounds.

No recollection of the drive home or arriving. Just realizing I’m hugging my dad with the dog scrabbling at my back pocket.

Walking out of the lift in the hospital feeling the insane urge to say thank you to the people left behind.

Holding her hand for 2 hours while I crack jokes and make my parents laugh when all I want to do is bury my head in her shoulder and cry.

Feeling her shake with suppressed sobs as I hug her goodbye.

Dad says she is better and I have to believe that. I can’t face the alternative.

I’d forgotten how soft her skin was.

How much I love her.

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