Things are working out.
I have found a new place to live, I have sorted out job dates, pay, where I need to be and when.
I started to plan for next week.
For the first time in a long time I have allowed myself to feel like I can achieve things that I want to in life. That the job I want is 100% within reach.
I have started to think that I won’t fuck up the next 3 weeks, that all of this planning and preparation will hold together and what I have visualised will work out for once. That I’m strong enough and good enough to make it this time.
I won’t be achieving earth shattering wonderful things but I will still be moving forward and building a life that I want.
Through all of this, everything I have done today I have not had a single moment where I haven’t been eating, throwing up or thinking about food.
That little voice only I can hear is saying all will be fine. I can carry on doing this. I don’t have to stop forever, just a little bit here and there. Go wild on days off.
I’m currently standing at a crossroads in my life and I’m worried that I will choose the wrong path again.