Alone

I’m lying in the dark in an unfamiliar bed,  it’s a warm night but I’m cold,  the deep cold that reaches to your very core, where you can’t tell if you’ll ever be warm again.

I’m scared and alone and afraid, I can’t cope with this anymore. I can’t see a future where anything works,  where things are happy, where I have a job and am surrounded by people that love me. This doesn’t fit in my head somehow.

I’m tired, I want this merry-go-round to end,  this ride to finish so I can get off.

I want things to stop spinning, my head to be quiet and still.

I’m scared mum, I think I’ve gone too far this time and I don’t know if I can come back.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

I want to come home.

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